Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
