Just fell off a train. Bad.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
