i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
