he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
