I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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