Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
