I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
