I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
