Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
