My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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