This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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