Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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