my soul wont recognize me after tonight
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
