I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
