oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
