I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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