Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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