Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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