We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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