I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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