she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Randomize
