: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
