Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
