im six kinds of drunk right now
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
