Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
