I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
