We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
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I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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