look no pants
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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