It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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