Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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