god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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