so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
