"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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