Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
