Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
