I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
