you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
