; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
