I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
