Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
