Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
