its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
