I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
