i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
