She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
