How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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