i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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