we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
