Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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