Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
