True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
