well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
