My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
