dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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