physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
