The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
