i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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