Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
