So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
