I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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