me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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