Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
