can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
