God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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