Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
