spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
