I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
