Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize